$#&*Y#*&%#(&R)@
PISSED.. SIAN.. DEPRESSED.. PISSED.. STOOPID DOG.. drop bicycle on sis's bf's car.. big dent?? DUN CARE.. NOT MY FAULT.. .. ..

met ex-bosses yesterday.. ask mi go back to work.. seemed a gd offer.. BUT ITS JUST A PIT HOLE.. STUCK!! called again today.. dunno how to turn them down.. .. ..

finally not e hostess today.. SCREWED UP ANYWAY.. feel damn useless.. memory seriously having problem.. throw orders into waste bins n put served orders into orders queue.. WAT THE FUCK AM I DOING!!.. !! !!!

LERTAGIC.. TIRED.. STRESSED.. wat is there for mi today.. tomolo.. n the future..??!!! MORALE SUPER DUPER LOW.. DIMINISHING.. low morale.. is there such a thing as no morale.. watever.!!?!. EVERY.. EVERY.. THING JUST PISSES MI NOW..

why do you work??! the more you work.. the less money u need.. becoz the less time u'll have.. n the more money i have.. the more i waste.. so what the whole pt.. there isn't anything that i really really wan to buy.. things happening in this world just isn't logical..

i'm NOT living.. i'm NOT existing.. i'm just.. i dunno.. i'm just a thing that is slowly losing feel n touch with the world n the ppl.. i turning cold-blooded coz nobody nor anything matters to mi anyway.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. can anybody still c or hear miiiii.. .. .. .. .. .. ..?!

home sucks!
hate staying at home.. its time to pack.. go out early in the morning n come home only when everyone is asleep!

hmm.. i think the tag board is categorised as a chat thingy so its sorta blocked when accessing from the library.. no wonder i can't c it just now..

nothing is going well..
i'm suppose to come library to study.. n guess wat i'm doing now..

kenna cheated.. have to pay extra for my phone bill just coz i din noe a reply to icq sms is charged as global sms rate..

Service Industry..
no work at the restaurant today =).. but its just haunting mi n pissing mi off in my brain.. was assigned e hostess post AGAIN yesterday! (i MUST find a way to siam!!) sigh.. with all the customer scvs dunno wat bullshit they can give you while training n teaching.. everybody is just doing a different thing when u work.. EVERYBODY ('cept the few newbies whom still work their ass off while the lao jiaos slack..) says the same thing.. even the mgr.. "y u so kan cheong.. nevermind just let them wait.." then when the customers call n complain.. they fuck u.. IDIOTS!!! n when things crop up, they just try to arrow pple.. n when they tink u screw up u kenna fuck again.. so SMART do yourself lah!!

sigh.. izzit coz i'm a spoilt brat.. that's y i complain so much.. izzit mi!? izzit mi!? izzit mi!?

what is wrg w my tag board??

Quote of the Day:
"Life is a simple thing, Men insist on making it complicated." --Confusius

Terrorists
Everybody step up security.. get all up tight just b4 sept 11.. preparing themselves for history to repeat itself.. had overheard conversations saying.. cannot travel!.. cannot take US plane!.. all the stoopid crap.. the terrorists knew better than to do the same thing twice.. i think they had it all planned.. exactly ONE year ONE month ONE day later.. they had tis bali blast.. just at the time when the whole world think they r safe.. HAHAHA..

"cliched"
This FUCK word is getting too cliched.. i need a new word to express my frustration.. sigh.. sex discrimination at work.. who gives the idea that pple like to c a lady when u walk into a restaurant.. makes ur appetite better?! noo.. makes u feel that u wanna come back again!? noo.. then y do they only put female as the hostess.. n not a male host at all?!.. n y izzit always me me me!?.. i just hate it.. but well think i'm kinda getting used to it already.. laziness setting in.. dun have to do much.. sigh.. but i still hate it.. wanna do other more constructive things than to just smile at everybody who appear at the door.. FUCK!!

Number Test

The Best Part Abt Life!
i guess this is wat make pple hav a love-hate feeling abt life.. or izzit mi only!? coz u nvr noe wat u gonna get -- very closely experiencing Forest Gump's "Life is like a box of chocolates.. " hee..

was feeling moody last nite.. wanted to cry myself to sleep.. but tear duct was dry.. n this morning while in class.. all i can think of is to get some cig to drown myself in a few minutes of .. .. ?? .. wat??.. sigh.. actually i dun c how smoking can help also.. in fact it wldn't make u feel better or anything.. mayb just a few seconds of floatiness.. anyway i was too lazy n sleepy to get out of class to get it.. then after class, the weather was so bloody hot that it totally put off my smoking idea..

then the thing is i was planning to have xian yu chao fan(salted fish fried rice) for dina tonite but was late for work so decided will just have a cup of 3-in-1 milo at my clinic.. well.. can lose weight n save $.. .. but ta da..!! my xian yu chao fan appeared in front of me just some time before i off work.. together with my long deprieved fruit - big chilled fuji apple yum yum.. thanks!.. love it! =) *ear-to-ear grin*

Overslept!
oh ya.. was late for work tis morn.. din even have time to get a drink.. so no food for the whole day till like 5.30pm.. then have to stand whole day while working.. was like feeling faint at abt 4+.. coz i had always had my proper 3-meals-day thing due to parents endless nagging n "supervising" that u eat your 3 meals!! anyway had the delifrance $9.90 for 2 meals.. (black pepper crab sandwich+soup+coffee) as my breakfast-lunch-dinner! (err.. share it with somebody lah.. din eat 2 meals by myself).. it taste good.. n its cheap for delifrance food! must eat! =)

Another (i think..) commonly used word which i dun understand.. doesn't even look english to mi at first..

Improve Your Vocab.. (Longman):

• hiatus - 1)a break or interruption in an activity
  - 2)a space where something is missing, especially in a piece of writing
  - 3)a pause between two vowel sounds

fuck the job..
fuck the mgr.. fuck the GM.. WTF mann.. first i have to report to mgr to go toilet.. just go toilet!! do i have to tell u for big biz or small biz!!??!.. then today.. the GM damn sarcastic.. come say "HI.. how!?.. very busy? c your hair flyingall over" or sumthing.. anyway din quite get it at first.. then i still say.."oh my hair is like that.. its always bad.." then ask mi to use gel!!.. stil say wat "c my other girls.. all their hair neat n nice.." that's their biz N WHO CARES!!.. its only a waitress job n i already tied my hair neatly wat.. my hair is just tis DRY n FRIZZY.. i'm not blessed with smooth silky hair like "your other girls!!" fuck! fuck! fuck! no money to buy gel lah.. anyway i hate gel.. dun care!!

Christianity Invasion!
i dun understand y the whole of tis year - 2002, i've been invaded n bombarded with all the christinity stuff.. all the new ppl i noe seems to b all christians.. n in 1 way or another, they will start sharing with mi all the christians stuff.. the latest is my clinic doctor.. the significant thing he put across.. "If one day u feel the calling.. dun deny it.." sigh.. i really think i have enuff lah..

Vocab still limited
think i need to read more.. how come everybody is using the word like its just a usual word but it looks so chim to mi..

Improve Your Vocab.. (Longman):

• narcissism - a tendency to admire your own physical appearance or abilities


• rhetorical - 1)a question that you ask as a way of making a statement, without expecting an answer
  - 2)using speech or writing in special ways in order to persuade people or to produce impressive effect

The Usual!
sian sian sian.. got calf cramp AGAIN yest morn'..

went class in the afternoon, tried to study after class.. but did nothing AGAIN..

hse ran out of fruits AGAIN.. had tomato n canned peach as subsitute..

pigged out AGAIN.. .. .. stoopid life..!!

MOODY.. ..
just super moody today after work.. dun like my work. i just can't accept the idea that i have to report to the manager when i need to go toilet.. that just spoils my day.. though the day had already ended.. now it spills over n spoilts my next day.. ARGHHH... dun wanna study.. even when i wanna study also no time.. anyway, super hungry now.. managed to live on super thick iced milo-kosong (err.. self-made lah.. difficult to get such odd orders from kopi-tiam) for dina today.. due to guitiness of pigging out the last 2 nites.. n tis morn too! hmm.. ok.. other than milo.. had a slice of tomato.. a mouth of BK whopper.. abt 5 fries.. that's supper i guess.. but now i think i wanna pig out again.. so tempting.. oh ya had abit of calbury 'fruits n nuts' milk chocolate too.. shd i?!?!.. think i shd just go sleep.. sigh..must b having pms.. DUMB thing.. y can't it leave mi alone..
hmm.. i think i'll just go check if there's any left over soup.. BUT.. .. i already brush my teeth to stop myself from eating.. BUT.. .. i'm really hungry.. WTF!!

Another one of those tests..
Gift Wrapping Test
Gift represent your feeling.. Wrapping of the gift represents how well you control your feelings..

My Diagnosis - 25% Moody
It is not easy that you would be out of control with your temper. Even if something makes you mad or sad, as long as it is not too far out of your limit, you can control yourself. However, once your limit is crossed, you might explode and forget who you are. You have strong self control.
From another angle, you only allow your true self to come out in front of a few selective people; which means you might get into a fight with a loved one or close friend more often because of this personality.

a little update..
haven been home much for a long time.. din noe wat is happening to everybody.. came home tonite.. woke mum up coz she is a super light sleeper.. (err.. nope.. not wat u r thinking.. it was only 2330 n everyone was already asleep..) anyway mum woke up n check her wound.. it was then that i realised that she got bitten by the dog (nope.. not stray dog.. its the dog that she feeds everyday in our hse.. din i say NOT to keep the dog in the hse in the first place!?! ungrateful bastard!!) n stubborn as she always is.. she din go c a doc.. then just paste some super sticky black chinese med paste on that open wound.. not too big for a bite i think.. abit bigger than a 50cts coin.. shd i just drag her to c the doc. tomo?? sigh.. *take deep breath.. SIGH*

i feel.. .. UNBALANCED!!
i just noe my life is not balanced (not as in mentally unbalanced or wat.. but just unable to balance work, study, play, family time, fren time etc.. kinda of unbalance.. getit?!) i wanna have it some other way but i just dun how n wat's the right mix to make it balance.. all i noe now is its NOT balanced.. sigh..

i'm totally messed up these days.. caught up with so much stuffs:-

• exams..(i'm just so lost now that i really wanna back out.. actually i still haven sign up n the due date is just 1 wk away)


• politics of the clinic..(check out yesterday's entries)


• new job..(just another brainless, PT, low-pd job which takes up my studying time but i'm not gonna give it up!)


• dad's endless tasks..(which is wat i'm suppose to do now but i'm still blogging n its already late for a week)


• errands for my family..(coz i appear so damn free to them.. but i'm NOT.. although i'm just doing nothing everyday.. but i'm TOTALLY tied down with doing nothing)


• new bf & new dating concept..(i guess we're doing fine.. r we? hehe.. 'cept that i feel abit weird n detached sometimes.. probably still caught in e typical dating style i tink)

i really dunno.. one moment i wanna do tis.. the next i wanna not do that.. wat i think is fine.. is disturbing myself.. i wan to think its fine but i'm still caught in the "norm" concept.. but i still think its fine.. IT MUST BE THE RESULT OF BEING DISTURBED BY the "tis-is-the-way-of-doing-things-to-be-a-normal-successful-person" society ALL THESE YEARS..

now i'm just caught in between in everything.. u wanna do tis becoz u think its ok.. then u can't do it becoz the society make u think its a total waste of time.. IF u do.. u get depressed when u suddenly c yourself with the "norm" eyes.. IF u dun.. u get demoralised becoz there's so much unfulfilled dreams n stuffs.. its just a lose-lose situation.. if u c my pt of view.. u noe wat i mean.. if u dun.. then just go back n be a normal person to the society.. it can't b explained..

i can finally go start working on my dad's stuff but i'm already sleepy mann.. sigh.. need some kopi-peng now.. hehe.. but can't drink coz i tink its my cramp culprit.. I NOE!!.. i'll go make my own dino..(its just milo-peng w milo powder on top.. i tink.. any other special ingredient?) shit! a little hungry too..

Quote of the Day:
"The difficulty in life is the CHOICE." --George Moore

Owww!!
somthing is just wrg with mi.. y do i keep getting calf cramp while sleeping.. n foot cramp when i just twist ard abit.. i just can't pin pt wat's causing it.. only link n bad thing i can think of is caffein stuffs n coldness.. air-con etc.. oh ya.. now i rem.. just had teh-peng just now.. sitting in air-con rm now n while making myself comfortable in my seat.. i get cramp on my left foot.. arghh.. the thing is.. i dun really get cramps while exercising.. most of the time is during all these weird moments.. like sleeping or sitting ard..

Halter neck Bra
i tot a halter neck bra is invented so that u can wear a halter neck n not have ur bra straps showing all over the place.. but tis morn' on the train to sch.. i saw tis woman wearing a halter neck bra with t-shirt..so wat's the pt??!! ok.. i noe its normal n common that pple show their bra straps nowadays.. but still!?!.. sigh.. i dunno wat to say!

20cts Mystery Solved! (Part 2 of "20cts more!!")
i took e the same to-n-fro trip again n now i noe y.. its just a difference of 1 bus-stop n it cost 20cts more.. n i was rite in e middle of e 2 bus-stops.. all i had to do was to walk to the 1 that is in the traffic direction rather than the one going further away from my home stop (either way its the same distance i guess) n 20cts is save.. dun say i "cat".. small saving goes a long way hee.. or mayb its just a trait of accounts pple.. hehe.. y din i do that in the first place!?! dumb!! anyway it feels gd to grumble abt it.. haha..

Story from 2 SIDES (Part 2 of "Politics Brewing!")
i knew it! its just my collegues not happy with each other n their perception is just distorted.. this morning the FT girl told mi an incident that happen betn her n the PT girl.. just now during the evening shift.. the PT girl told mi her version.. (both not noeing the other party told mi, anyway its doesn't really matter) its just totally different.. sigh.. THAT'S WHY.. morale of the story? hehe.. one must always remember NOT to make judgement on listening to 1 side of the story.. did i have the previlage of seeing the full view?!.. well i dun think so.. i think i just get 2 distorted view.. how mann..
n the doctors had a meeting tis afternoon.. if they were gonna to cut cost n retrench staff.. its just our own speculation.. (c.. small clinic also have rumours.. people management.. anybody? i had a hard time passing that subj.. hee..) their relationship is just gonna get really BAD!

Improve Your Vocab.. (Longman):

• nostalgia(noun) - the slightly sad feeling of remembering happy events or experiences from the past


• nostalgic(adj) - feeling or expressing a slight sadness when remembering happy events or experiences from the past

WHY IS EVERYTHING NOT IN ORDER!!!
FUCKING PRINTER IS NOT NOT N-O-T WORKING!! HOW M I GONNA TO DO WORK!!!! FUCKING STOOPID!!! JUST TAKE THE NEW PRINTER TO THE SHOP N USE IT LIKE ITS YOURS THEN I DUN NEED TO USE MEH!!! I HAVE PRINT LIKE 10 T-E-N TIMES N ITS ALL PRINTED ON THE PRINTER COZ THE PAPER CAN'T EVEN GO IN.. WASTING MY TIME!! GIVE UP.. GIVE UP.. GIVE UP.. BUT I STILL HAVE TO GET IT DONE BY TONITE?? BUT HOW HOW HOW?? JUST STUCKED!!! fuck chee btyteskjghbsakjghbdskaghdsiahg sdafg akjd;h fsdajhgdsajh gfdsahj bdak .h
n i have to go for work again like now!

Politics Brewing!
fuck mann..!! even a simple job like clinic asst also can get such stuffs.. y is ppl-ppl relationship so difficult?!.. y must this person dun like that person.. first is dun like this doctor.. then dun like this doctor's wife.. then some dun like the other's doc's wife.. now the full-time(FT) girls can't stand one of the part-time(PT) girl.. sigh.. y can't they just take it that everybody is different in tis world..

ok its just a total of 3 doctors, their wifes, 2 FT girls n 2 PT girls at the clinic n at one time it'll only have betn 2 to 4 persons there (4 persons n the whole place is in a mess.. imagine big MNC.. urrghh.. makes mi sick!) ya.. i'm e the other PT girl.. that's y i noe they dun like each other..

i dun wanna b involved.. but i'm totally involved.. coz i'm too neutral?!.. i'm too in-the-middle!?.. the FT girls tell mi how much they dun like the PT girl coz she grumble n complaint too much.. the PT girl complaint abt how lazy n messy the FT girls are.. (am i too no-principle that everything is fine with mi.. or am i just too many-headed that i just say watever i noe the party like to hear.. shit! shit! shit!.. i hate that! i hate myself for doing that.. but it has already become a reflex action, rather than a planned reply.. its a result of being disturbed by this kinda of society for so many years.. i dun say wat i think.. i just say wat other ppl wanna hear.. n now i dun even noe how to think.. fuck! fuck!! fuck!!!)

wat shd i do mann.. now the FT girls think the PT girl is tale-telling them coz they saw a note the the doc's table one day.. they even warn mi to be careful working with her.. but i think she din.. i wanna tell them but i dunno how.. i tink they wldn't take wat i say coz they already had the idea that she's such a complaint queen.. but i tink she just a verbal person.. no harm.. aahahhh... i dun wanna take sides.. i just wanna b ON the middle line.. no no.. think i just wanna b outta of the playing court.. hmm .. but then that'll b kinda boring.. haha.. anyway.. just leave mi alone.. (actually i tink i'm just contributing to it by saying wat ppl wan to hear.. i'm a human afterall haha.. problem giving too.. ;) )

anyway i like my clinic job.. but i tink i screwing up.. coz of being late n its ALWAYS!!.. (that's the note they saw.. one doc asking the other doc to check on our punctuality.. i'm in deep shit.. ) n all the politics stuffs *sigh! sigh!! sigh!!!* somebody heellllppp mi..

20cts more!!
i dun get it! i dun get it!! y? Y? y is my TO trip 63cts and my FRO trip (hmm.. can u say fro trip?? anyway it just means the way back) 83cts.. its same bus.. e same straight rd wat.. y izzit different? i wanna use my magnetic farecard..=( so i can just press 60cts! sigh.. ok its 65cts! haha.. u think i'm too free complainting abt such stuff!?.. heee. ya i think so too.. i just wanna grumble.. n i just wanna noe y its different hee..

gig..
fren brought me to a gig just now (well it was last nite actually..) wait.. izzit called a gig or wat.. dun really get wat a gig means now.. tot the dict says its some music performance tingy.. but this was kinda sketch tingy.. call "The Dark Room Devil and the Spoon Circus" y tis?!? i also dunno.. hee.. n oh.. its presented by KYTV.

tis is the first time i watch such stuff.. n err.. i dun understand it AT ALL hee.. (i'm not much of an art or music person in the first place) fren said he dun getit too.. so i wasn't the only one who dun getit.. ehh.. was quite lost actually.. coz u din even noe whether it was suppose to b serious or funny.. n coz its life performance.. u dun wanna create the wrg atmosphere.. hehe.. anyway its was just.. "i dunno wat the hell is happening!.!." =P.. but it was an eye-opener for mi thou..

now that i read their performance intro.. hmm.. let mi quote the last part.. "how the Darkroom Devil was born - out of sheer passion and nonsense." k.. now i noe y i dun understand.. coz its actually made up of nonsense stuffs.. (n nonsense stuff r suppose to be NO SENSE.. not totally understandable rite?! sound logical?) hee..

another thing.. i tink its just great to see pple turn their passion into real stuff.. i mean REALLY DO wat they wanna to do n not just SAY wat they wanna do.. rubbish or nonsense or wat?! it doesn't really matter at tis pt of time.. at least its HAPPENING!.. dunno y.. but i just love to c pple's dreams n passion happening.. mayb coz i dun have one myself.. cheerzz!! to all who hold their dreams n passion dear.. make it happen.. i still gotta find mine.. ;)

coffee shop hang out!
after the gig.. fren met up with his fren and we hang out at a coffee shop or rather hawker centre.. just do nothing n tok cock.. no.. actually just listen to them tok cock n come up with all the weird theory.. (i dun usually tok much.. but i like to listen to pple tok.. esp. senseless things that make sense.. getit!?! haha..) hmm.. dun understand some of the technical stuff they tok abt.. anyway there's just interesting theory here n there.. shit!! my mem is not working again.. n i think i like forgotten most of them now..

oh ya.. i gotta put tis down.. they taught me a new word.. Darn!! i forgot how to pronouce it again.. but wait.. it doesn't include all my favourite shell food like oysters n "hums" n "chuchus" etc. leh.. (all these doesn't have legs.. so i guess it doesn't fall into tis term rite??)

Improve Your Vocab.. (Longman):

• crustacean - an animal such as LOBSTER or a CRAB that has a hard outer shell and several pairs of leg, and usually lives in water

Quote of the Day:
"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why." --Eddie Cantor

Care Bear Quiz

Which Care Bear Are You?

Cartoon Character Test
Bugs Bunny
You are fun, friendly, and popular. You are a real crowd pleaser. You have probably been out on the town your share of times, yet you come home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the people you please influence you to stray.
Which Cartoon Character Are You?

PMEBs
arrghh.. i just hate this term PEMB.. no.. wat's that again.. PMEB.. i dunno why but everytime i see it i wld b like.. wat is that??!?! no matter how many times i see it.. it just doesn't register in my mind.. then on reading further.. i'll b like or..rr.. this AGAIN! - it means Professionals, Managers, Executives, Businessmen.. then the next thing i noe is.. i'm pissed.. i dunno y but this term just pisses mi off n i just hate it. who the hell come up with such a thing.. arrghh.. hate it.. hate it.. HATE IT..!!! looks abit like PMS to mi.. HATE IT!!

My Cert. Finally..
oh ya.. now i rem my cert (after reading a blog entry on some cert), forget all abt it coz i dun really feel much for tis cert 'cept the fact that i took 3, T-H-R-E-E, LONG years to get it.. n mind u its not a full cert.. its only the completion of Level 1 which consist of ONLY 3 subjects.. (there's only 3 levels n 14 subjects in total, the shortest time one can finish the whole course is just 2 years) wat the hell am i doing mann.. dun ask mi!!

i'm still contemplating whether i shd sign up for my next 2 subjects tis coming exams.. shit.. i only have 2wks to decide n make sure my application reach UK.. wat-to-do.. wat-to-do.. no mood.. no motivation to study..

Sudden attack!?!
i'm just down with flu today.. can't do anything the whole day.. cept sit ard in the hse n sleep n eat/drink all sorts of stuff to get rid of my sore throat.. (let's c.. i had lozenges.. barly water.. honey.. orange.. buah duku.. lozenges AGAIN.. boiled black prune.. grass jelly drink.. boiled black prune.. buah duku AGAIN.. barly water.. lozenges AGAIN AGAIN.. anyway i just keep eating so that my throat dun feel so bad..) ok now i think it wasn't a sudden attack.. its just coz i was greedy the last 2 days.. =P.. skipped class today.. with valid reason .. haha.. so mum can't nag at mi..