feel like i'm 90..
the more i sleep the more tired i get.. was catching up on my sleep the past few nights.. but i ended up dragging myself everywhere.. had a stoopid back strained for no reason since tis morn.. mayb its jus the weather..

a firm decision
any decision in my life is a big 1 coz it always take great effort.. so after consulting my pal today.. i've decided to tender my resignation for my clinic assistant job.. sad to b jobless.. hate the idea of having to search for another job.. but i had no choice.. life at stake (TOTALLY NOTHING to do with e SARS issue..) i had wanted to hang on longer.. but i guess its not advisible.. sigh.. guess e happiest ppl will b my parents.. but that's the last thing i'm gonna let them noe.. *sigh*

My sentiments EXACTLY!!!
luv e comic strip on The Straits Times front page today.. too bad i dunno n also too lazy to scan it put it up.. but anyway here goes...

A: "cough! cough!"
B(panick n covering nose): "SARS??"
A(holding a cigarette): "TARS.."

lol.. lol..
NOT EVERYBODY WHO COUGHS AND HAVE FEVER HAVE SARS! Getit!!??

wtf m i doing again!??
its damn bloody 5am now n i got work at 8.30am!! WTF!

Bad idea!
a person outta luv.. giving advice to a heart-broken person.. wat wld that come out to b?!.. nothing!!.. so stay clear!!.. i've tried it so many times.. 2 messy person will at best end up with a big bloody mess.. wat else can u get outta it??.. SAY "NO".. to messy life entering your messed-up life.. haha.. it shd help more than saying "no" to cig.. lol..

A Story of what Love really means.. .. ..

got tis in an email.. to mi its e best thing that can ever happen to one.. thou in most ppl's life.. it can only b a fantasy.. but when it happens.. some might hav missed it w/o realising.. .. ..

*****

My husband is a scientist by profession, I love him for his steady-being nature, and I love the warm feeling while i lean against his broad shoulder.

Three years in the courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, I am getting tired of it, the reasons of me loving him before has now transform into the cause of all the restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive and exquisite when it comes to relationship and feelings, I yearn for romantic moments, as though a little boy yearning for candy. And my husband, is just a contrast of me, his lack of sensitivity, and of all, inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I want a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocking. "I am tired, there aren't reasons for everything in the world" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thoughts the whole night with cigarette lighted all the times.

My feeling of disappointment is getting intense, a man who can't even express his detainment, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked : "What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Look deep into his eyes and I slowly answered : "Here is a question, if you can find the answer in my heart, I will change my mind, Let say, I love a flower at a mountain cliff, and we both sure that the making you to pick the flower will cause death, will you do it for me?" He said : "I will give you your answer tomorrow...."

My heart just sink by listening to his respond.

The next morning, he was not around, and I saw a piece of paper with his scratching writing, underneath a glass of warm milk, It goes....

Dear,
"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allowed me to further explain the reasons " this first lines has already break my heart. I continue reading. "You can only type with computer and always messed up the programs in the PC, and cries in front of screen, I have to saved my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always left the house key behind, I have to save my legs to rush home for opening the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to leads you the way.

You always has the cramp whenever your "good friend" approach every month, I have to save my palm so that I can calm the cramp at your tummy.

You like to stays indoor, and I worries that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tells you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stared at the computers, and that do no good to your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow older, I can help to clip your nails,and help to removed those annoying white hairs.
I will hold your hand, stroll down the beach, enjoying the sunshine and the beautiful sands... tells you the colour of flowers, just like the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, before I am sure there are someone who loves you more than I do... I would not pick the flower, and die.. "

My tears drops on the letters, and blurred the ink of his hand writing... and I resume my reading...

"And now, dear... you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied with these answers, please open the door of our house, I am standing there,with your favorite bread and fresh milk..." I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, with his hand holding tight on the milk and bread.... Oh I am sure no one ever love me as much, and now I have decided to leave the flower alone...

*****

That's life, or some said, love, when one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fade away, and one tend to ignore the true love lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows in any form, even a very little and corny form, it has never been a model, it could be the most incurious form... flowers, romantic moments is only the buckish formed on the surface of the relationship.

Under all this, the pillar of truelove stands... and that's our life...
Love, but not words win the arguments...

gloomy days
fucking hell.. my revision classes r all so ex!! tink i'll just spent the money on digi cam n stuffs instead..

?!???!!??!???!??!??
i just did something crazy.. irrational.. madness.. so wat?!

i can't find my way..
i packed my bag.. i walked away.. then i turn back.. trying to look for something i forget.. but nope.. nothing left.. i have to go.. so i started walking.. then i felt tired.. so i walk back n decided to start my journey another day.. the next day come.. i started walking again.. i just walk n walk mindlessly thinking of the place i left.. argh.. anyway i just walk back again.. after walking for such a long distance.. i dunno y but i just turned back again.. now i have to start walking all over again..

same!?
isn't it the same thing?! y make it so confusing?!.. urghh.. i've check the word so many times n still can't rem everytime i c it.. sigh.. so how?? write it down lah.. hehe..

Improve Your Vocab.. (Longman):

• preclude - (formal) to prevent something or make something impossible
• prevent - to stop something from happening, or stop someone from doing something
• include - to make someone or somethig part of a larger group or set

NO PROBs.. i got vege supply..
noe wat!! my relative scared we die here w/o vege.. haha.. tis is the joke of the day.. now my hse is filled with RM$100 worth of vegetables.. hmm.. think that is like almost 1 mth's supply?! damn kiasu rite!!

Stop Paranoid Activities!!!
i was thrown a S$1000-note to ask mi to quit my job.. i may not b earning much with my pathetic PT job.. but money is not wat i need.. does anybody understand?! i jus wanna b free from paranoid activities.. i m so so so so tired of all these..

another thing is.. i c RAW garlic n RAW onion on my dina table everyday.. lucky thing is i kinda like them but isn't these abit too much..??!! sigh..

sianzzz...
when is tis sars thing gonna end.. i'm really irritated (an understatement) with all the ppl asking mi to wear a mask.. n eat wat nonsense to kill germs..

kinda upset with my new phone.. its only 1 day.. n i feel like chging phone already

Wanna do a coffee test?

Which of the following types of coffee would u order?
a) Cafe Latte
b) Cappucino
c) 3-in-1 Coffee
d) Decaf Coffee
e) Flavoured Coffee



Answers:
a) Cafe Latte:
A stable love relationship is very important to u. If he or she is Perfect in every way except he or she cannot make u feel secure financially,u will not dare to fall in love with him or her. You do not fall in love easily. In love, your mind and heart will guide u to your ideal partner

b) Cappucino:
You have many friends. A romantic relationship is not a necessity for you. You prefer friends over a lover any day. U enjoy open relationships and cannot stand a sticky one that needs your constant attention 24/7

c) 3-in-1 Coffee:
You fall in love easily because u cannot live without love. However u lack patience in any romance. If he or she cannot give u a solid commitment or he or she has feelings for another, u will give up and move on to the next opportunity

d) Decaf Coffee:
U like to taste the flavour of coffee yet u are afraid of the harmful effects of coffee. U feel the same about love. Thus u crave for a sweet loving relationship yet u are afraid of making any commitments. U are the type that prefers to live together with your partner and don't feel that u need to get married

e) Flavoured Coffee:
U believed that u are different from others. U like to live your life to the fullest and to enjoy every minute or occassion. Therefore, when drinking coffee, u like to choose your own flavour. Regarding your romantic side, u are full of surprises. U like to be spontaneous and have fun with your partner

accurate? believe it or not.. up to u.. its just a test anyway =)
i always drink (a) n (d).. n (c) too.. hmm.. but how abt kopi-peng?? somebody shd modify tis test abit.. hehe..

N95 mask
k.. i finally get the super solid best-in-town mask.. free of coz!.. u think i'm gonna spent money on some mask!!?? (anyway.. not that i desperately wanna wear it.. but my doctor.. parents.. the patients r all driving mi crazy) so.. i tried wearing it.. n noe wat!!.. i rather die from sars then my face itching to death.. sigh..

New Toys for Everyone!
ye!.. after weeks of thinking.. days of discussions.. n hours of roaming in town today.. mi n my 2 girlfrens r finally owners of 3G.. err.. nope 2.5G?! or watever G.. photo-capable.. mms mobile phones..
First.. we went for one w a super solid built-in cam w zoom function -- Panasonic GD88
Next.. a sleek pretty one w free camera (phone accessory) -- Siemens S57
then followed by.. a popular user-friendly classy one -- Nokia 7250
so now we all have 3 new phones to play with.. hehehe... *grin....... - since e moment i pay for e phone =P*
can't wait for it to b done w charging.. *tappping fingers waiting beside it*

the living dead..
it is great if all are happy.. it'll b good if some quibble over small issues.. it is still interaction if few have frequent quarrels.. but when none wan to show displeasure n decides to shut up n shut off.. wat will b next then??

all becoz of tis 4-letter word
can somebody explain quarantined to these ppl.. sigh.. another 1 came to my clinic again..

does anybody have something new to say.. if not.. pls dun tok to mi..
1st one said.. .. not worth earning that few bucks.. wldn't die w/o that few bucks.. just quit.. (ya.. rite.. some words from a typical rich man's mouth.. fuck! go tell that to your spoilt brats at home.. dun bother mi..)
2nd one said.. .. dun work lah.. just quit the clinic job.. (another person thinking that i dun need that pathetic bucks.. but its all.. ALL.. i'm surviving on..)
3rd one said.. .. got wear mask? got wash up b4 going home? ever got dangerous case at your clinic?.. .. .. quit lah.. quit for the time being first lah.. (stoopid paranoid cab driver.. u tink my dad opened the clinic ah.. quit at this period first.. y dun u stop working tis period too!?)
4th one said.. .. wear a mask ah.. dun wait u kenna.. i also have to b quarantined (somebody who.. wear gd mask.. sell N-95 mask for profit.. then gimme lousy, cheap, paper mask which ran out.. then ask mi to wear wat now huh?!)
anyway its just nature's way to eliminate.. all too many.. the weak have to go.. u can't ran.. hahahahahhahah....

wat DESIGN!!
Nvr.. NVrr.. NVRRR get an alarm clock where its time n ringer work on separate batteries.. then how the fuck wld i noe when the ringer wldn't ring!!! of all days!! urghh..

U R SO USELESS!!!!
WTFwwtfwtfwtfwtfwtwtfwtfwtfwt!!! i just succumbed to BOTH today.. n its jus after a 1-day victory.. go n die man.. u r useless.. no pride.. no nothing.. u have no more value in tis world!.. just better off dead.. fuck! hate myself!

does tis makes mi sick?
it makes mi sick to imagine another person behaving the same way as mi.. but i dun c the need to chg my ways n feel.. that jus left mi thinking.. mayb i'm sick.. am i?? lol.. nope.. a sick person doesn't say he's sick.. make sense..!?

time up for my blog?!
i have lesser things to blog these days.. i wonder if its better tis way.. somehow i think i'm trapped by a link that i cld nvr get out.. coz i'm jus born to it.. ya.. u ppl out there will tell mi to try change or do something kinda thing.. but i dun think a change is possible if its 1-sided.. anyway i hate changes.. even if its for the better.. so i'm just gonna do nothing n stay cool w it.. (read until i'm immune to it.. duh..)

promoted to high risk
some dumb ppl who was quarantined (coz he just came back from china, guangdong) came down to my clinic to get an MC.. becoz he pontang (skip) school i think.. doc diagnosis him w fever.. i dunno if he is really sick.. sigh.. i dun care if i really get infected.. but i dun wan my family to b sad or in danger becoz of mi.. its just unfair to them.. but well since i'm on higher risk now.. i jus wanna somebody to convey my msg to them that it might be better for mi.. if.. that is IF.. my time is up.. dumb thing to blog now.. but nothing is impossible in tis world..

1 wk over
yup.. i did it.. e two things which i refrained from.. but i wldn't say it proudly.. coz it all my meat n flesh that i stopped.. my mind is jus going in agony every moment.. i'm jus gonna succumb again.. soon i guess..

Arty Outing
jus came bac from an esplanade outing.. not going for the hype or anything but jus wanna watch.. thou still not up to it to appreciate fully.. but nevertheless.. it was great!

Which Hogwarts house do you belong in?

current state..
"The physical craving fades very quickly, leaving only the psychological attention.".. a mistake.. something which i had not taken into account..

damn ke siao
my collegue cries wolf! EVERYDAY!! dunno y n how ppl can put themselves thru that everyday.. i dun care.. i'm just gonna ignore her..

manage + time
i can't even managed my meal times.. tok abt time management..

ya?? wat??
blog.. delete.. blog.. delete.. that's wat i just did.. nothing seems to b worth blogging.. k tok abt my 1 week thing (see last entry on 5apr2003).. i'm still preserving.. 4days over.. but i'm only able to stop myself physically.. mentally i've been thinking of it every single day.. so did i do it? or did i not?

exactly 1 week
1 wk ago.. i said i wanted to stop tis.. exactly 1 wk later.. i did the same thing.. feel the same shit.. where is ur mighty old trustworthy pride??!! another 1 wk later.. i'm gonna say.. I DID IT!!!!!..

nothing is right..
if every single aspect of my life needs to b chged.. y dun i jus die then relive the whole thing again.. u noe like the way ur stuffs screwed up.. n u jus press.. -RESET-.. .. ..

awww...
so damn hungry.. nope.. mayb its jus a tummy ache.. shit.. i gotta stop tis.. somebody erase my mem pls.. pls pls pls pls pls...

Amusing, Crappy, Irritating Incidents
amusing -- took a bus tis afternoon.. had tis urge to cough.. jus needed one badly to clear n fill my lungs.. (nope.. not SARS virus.. but if u insist.. then b it.. n stay away from mi then =P) anyway i did a "forced", strong, deep, dry cough.. n guess wat?! tis man siting in front of mi.. quickly turned to look.. n then quickly cover his mouth n nose with his hand.. lol.. well i din do it on purpose.. i wasn't try to b mean nor nasty.. but then it jus nvr fail to amuse me.. lol.. (coz ppl will cover for a few seconds.. which is not going to help if the person beside u really have the virus.. so wat's e point??)

crappy -- tempted to get a handphone cover for my NOK phone for a long long long time.. finally decided to get one.. so went to a stall.. choose a nice black matt cover.. bargained abit to save a few $.. tot everything was settled..
>so i took out my phone n jus ask "can i try?" (jus for courtesy sake.. ask for the sake of asking..)
>but the man said.. "No Trying.. the things i sell sure fit.. no problem.. pay mi first then i'll fit the cover for u.."
>i rebutted.. "if ur products so gd then why not jus let ppl fit it on.."
>n he went.. "no.. ITS COMPANY POLICY.."
MY FOOT!! wat crap company policy u need to sell pirated stuff!! so i just walked away.. sigh.. even thou i really really like that cover.. (went to check out few others stalls nearby.. but just cldn't get the same 1.. sigh..) well save my $.. n that will put off e idea for some time.. crap!!

irritating -- raining heavily.. was offered a ride.. was to b picked up at those pick-up-points at flat void decks so u have shelter all the way.. well but it appears that there r many selfish, irritating, bastards who just PARK their vehicles at the pick-up-point.. sigh.. S'poreans?! tsk.. tsk..

these could have been synonyms..
existing but not living.. .. ..
talking but not communicating.. .. ..

for a very long time..
sabishi..

STOP IT!!!
i just can't stand ppl getting all uptight abt tis SARS thingy.. n now its happening in my home!!! just stop it!! the more uptight.. the more likely u'r gonna get it.. n the prob is they just get uptight grumbling.. if u'r really really scared.. then do ur own precaution.. wear your spacesuit.. nobody can ever pass the virus to you then..

my dentist spoil my teeth
my tooth was not aching.. my tooth was not decaying.. my teeth were not due for cleaning.. but.. i went to the dentist.. now.. my teeth is really painful.. can't touch.. can't drink.. can't eat.. can't brush.. arghh..