i pressed that 'ON' button again!
i dunno y there's a big damn space in betn.. n i can't believe i spent 1+HRS meddling it.. fuck.. n nothing is achieved..

Free Enneagram Test

Conscious self	Overall self

Type	Score	Summary
4 (uniqueness)	44	You desire understanding, for people to appreciate your uniqueness. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of understanding in your life experience. Problem - no one ever entirely understands themself much less anyone else. Ethos - I must be special and unique to get what I want.
6 (loyalty)	43	You desire loyalty, for people to stand by you. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of loyalty in your life experience. Problem - even among those close, rifts happen and loyalty based on need isn't entirely genuine. Ethos - I must be obedient and loyal OR on-guard and skeptical to get what I want.
5 (creativity)	37	You desire reason, to make sense of things. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of reason in your life experience. Problem - you can drain yourself trying to figure things out so be attentive to your physical health (exercise/diet). Ethos - I must be knowledgable to get what I want.
1 (order)	31	You desire perfection, for everyone to appreciate you. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of order in your life experience. Problem - it is impossible to have everyone agree with you no matter what views or roles you adopt. Ethos - I must be perfect to get what I want.
7 (action)	31	You desire fun, to not be overcome with unhappiness. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of fun in your life experience. Problem - it is impossible to have fun 24/7 and the need for it will force you to run from problems instead of dealing with them. Ethos - I must be energetic and entertaining to get what I want.
9 (peace)	26	You desire peace, for everyone to get along. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of peace in your life experience. Problem - there is always a certain amount of conflict in the world and some level of it is healthy. Ethos - I must be peaceful and easy to get along with to get what I want.
2 (love)	23	You desire love, for everyone to care for you. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of genuine care in your life experience. Problem - it is impossible to get others to always care about you no matter what you do. Ethos - I must be helpful to get what I want.
8 (control)	21	You desire power, for people to respect your strength. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of control in your life experience. Problem - you can't control everyone no matter how powerful you are. Ethos - I must be strong and in control to get what I want.
3 (achievement)	7	You desire acclaim, for people take note of your achievements. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of praise in your life experience. Problem - you can't win everyone's esteem no matter what you achieve. Ethos - I must be successful and achieving to get what I want.

over n over again..
to hang on..? Or to give up..?
to pursue blindly..? Or to let go..?

someone told mi his fren took a paper for 7 times.. wait or was it 11 times?.. then he finally made it.. was that an encouragement?? 7 times?!.. arrghh.. i dun wan.. n i dun need to noe if i have that type of perseverance.. .. anyway.. i'm already halfway there.. (to the 7 times mark that is.. NOT to the end of my cert..) blah..

there are jus so many factors
I DUNNO WAT THE FUCK MY NEIGHBOUR IS DOING..
the weather is hot enuff..
my bed is right in front of mi..
my comp is rite behind mi..
my table is all messed up..
i can't differenciate my notes..
i have duplicate notes fr the same lecturer..
(coz i attended his class times 2)
i have duplicate notes for the same subj fr different lecturer tis time..
(coz i attended e same course times 2)
my waterbottle top-up takes mi at least 15min..
i keep walking to e kitchen for food..
(n tis is different trips fr my waterbottle top-ups)
i seemed to need the toilet every few min..
So.. i dun fucking need another excuse to not study..OK???!!!
FUCK!!! STOP THAT STOOPID GRINDING! its happening EVERYDAY!

totally guilty, r u?

F A M I L Y
I ran into a stranger as he passed by, "Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. "Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the children you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door. Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue. He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed; "Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?" He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you. I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way"
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

jus a little peace
i can live w/o moral support.. i can live w/o encouragement.. in fact i can live w criticism.. jus dun give me those i-told-u-so-tone, i-told-u-so-look, i-told-u-so-voice, i-told-u-so-nag, i-told-u-so-stuff.. i jus need a little peace on that.. =(

not that i dun wan to face my mistake but it wasn't even like wat-u-told-mi.. jus stop stop STOP assuming!!.. =..(

i am again thrown into loads of little dilemmas.. *heavy sigh*

What Color is Your Heart?
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Your Heart is Blue

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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Which X-Men character are you most like?
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You are Gambit!
You are a fierce fighter and a good friend to have. Your preference for solitude and your attractiveness make you very intriguing to those you meet. Unfortunately, close relationships are few and far between for you because you often have trouble opening up to others.

What's YOUR sexual fetish?
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What Sign of Affection Are You?
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cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be close to your special someone and feel warm, comfortable, and needed

mac mac mac
i'm practically living at mac.. sat there for 10 straight hours.. but progress is jus PAINFULLY slow.. sigh..

way to go!
20min jog + 30 crunches..
simply luv my asics GEL-Kayano VIII.. (hmm.. i'm not a high-mileage runner who needs great shoes but asics shoes r so limited here.. but well they too comfy to give it a miss!!) feel kinda let it down for not bringing it out more often.. for the performance.. for the amt spent.. =P
weighing scale is registering a plus minus of 2kg difference everytime i weigh.. how can that b.. useless scale!!

my poor old bic
i've jus cfm that e bic i lost yest is my sis's b-day present in yr 1989.. yup its 1989.. no typo error.. cool rite..?! its a BMX! (ehh.. is that e brand or e model? *shrug* anyway its was jus the coolest bike back then.. =) rite?!)
y does he/she/it watever wanna steal my bic.. now i hav no bic.. =( no $ to buy.. dun wanna buy.. dun wanna lose another bic again.. =( hmm.. wait.. *eyes brighten* who still owe mi b-day present?! hehe..

1hr workout class today..
+ 20min cycle TO (with a borrowed bicycle..)
+ 30min cycle BACK (coz i lost my way.. hee..)

1 wk passed
tis is the end of the 1 wk trail.. theory doesn't work.. y m i not surprised!? aiii.. anyway i din do a strict calories count.. jus wanna munch something now..
today's log: 15min jog + 5laps swim but ate twice as much for dina..

fuckhead strikes AGAIN!
i lost another bicycle.. 3rd one tis yr i think.. its such an old old old bic.. think AT LEAST 10yr-old.. y do anybody wanna steal that??.. sigh..

its a design fault!
i dun believe tis.. i lost my post coz i click "sign out" instead of the "post" button.. how stoopid can i get.. n i dun feel like rewriting everything.. coz it jus ain't the same anymore.. sigh.. n the ting.. its NOT the first time i did that.. it must b their design fault.. one on top of the other.. fuck!!

i've slacked.. wat's new..
i finally rem wat i wanted to blog.. I HATE DOGS.. i jus hate them.. no y.. no becoz.. jus HATE.. getit!

i went for chips instead of jog today..
femme:: think i'll b doing the imagining thingy soon too.. grin

really jus the mind?
have u ever studied till u wanna puke?
my mind is jus dunno how many lite years away that i dun have enuff time to bring it back to present.. not to tok abt not having enuff time to study..

30crunches + 30cycles + 20left + 20right logged

my 2.4km run
din feel like working out today..(hmm. when did i ever feel like anyway =P) but today is not becoz i'm lazy.. but jus feel damn lousy.. still went for a run in e end.. decided to test my 2.4km run.. logged a disappointing 14.43min.. (well.. not as if i'm hell of a runner but its far from wat i wanted to achieve..) anyway e last time i timed a 2.4run was.. *tinking*.. 4yrs ago!! WTF!! sigh.. n i forgot all abt my crunches.. shit!!! guess i'll have to do it tonite..

feel cheated..
ok.. now i need somebody to tok to.. but where the hell m i going to somebody to listen to mi at 3am in the morn.. all tis is so fake.. i shd have known better..

ppl prob again
i lose my faith in platonic frenship some time ago.. which i had trusted so much.. believed so strongly.. now i'm jus feeling weird.. weirdo.. crappy.. grouchy.. watever.. jus not a normal person even to myself..

i wanna retreat
i feel so god damn fucking screwed up after "toking" w a fren on icq.. fuck! y m i toking on icq in the first place?? ya.. now he bring out all the issues then go to bed.. n i'm left with all my exam prob n all the fucking issues.. which u wanna explain but can't explain.. only ur blog noes u best becoz it is u.. .. n u jus hav u say .. "u noe..", "u noe.. that type of thing..", "that type of feeling" n its all understood.. not like u go on n on.. explain until u chiu ta (mouth dry).. n the person jus dun interpret wat u say.. the way u think.. wat m i gonna do now.. tok to another person? no way mann..

i feel so helpless
i used to tink time was my only limiting factor.. but now i'm at total lost.. even if u gimme another yr.. i dun fucking noe how to study for my papers now.. i take up a stack of notes n i dun even noe to read.. to underline.. to write out main pts.. or to look at the eg.. i m in that type of fucking deep shit now.. ..

besides that.. studying at mac izzn't of great help to my new diet thingy..

so i guess the only thing i can do now is blame my diet failure on my exam.. n my studying-failure as lack of food nourishment..

NOPE.. I CAN DO IT!! ITS ALL IN THE MIND!!!.. ahhhhhh.... ok its all my fault al rite.. tis is last min's work.. BUT NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE RITE????!!!!! k i'm losing it.. i just toking to myself.. arrrgghhh....

Changing thru thought process
i like the idea of this which i quoted from somebody's blog.. but still everything is up to Urself..

*****
identify when your "bad half" is sabotaging your "good half"
For example, when I am trying on a million outfits before I go out, and I just throw all my clothes on the bed or in the bottom of the closet, the girl throwing the clothes doesn't care about the girl who has to pick up the all the clothes when she gets home. The guy who stays up all night playing video games doesn't care about the guy who has to get up at 6am to go to work. The girl who eats the entire cheesecake doesn't care about the girl who has to work out twice as hard the next day to work it off.
*****

drag myself there n back..
did my 30min-feel-like-3hr jog tis morn.. stoopid lungs can only hold 1 breath of air each time due to unhealthy activity yest.. 30 crunches logged.. i c result on my scale.. which i dun believe but i wanna believe.. anyway stoopid scale isn't working properly.. i dun care if its water loss.. muscle mass.. or watever crap.. i just wanna fit into my old jeans.. blah..

licence?
a fren of mine was just asking mi the process of getting a driving licence.. n it triggered my intention again.. check out the fees n process.. wasn't too ex also.. shd i?! shd i?! ya mayb someday.. its jus a matter of WHEN.. *chanting - i wanna getit.. i will getit.. i'm gonna getit.. i will i wan i can i wan i will.. ... .. ...*

workingout
went for my workout class.. which i hated since day1.. something which i had spent money on to torture myself.. so 1 full hr of workout today.. less food n feel faint.. i wanna eat a whole baguette now.. i'll giv my muscles a rest tomo.. (ya today.. rather..)

coincidence? or over-sensitive?
i find myself liking cheesecake.. hanging out at coffeeshop n la kopi.. diluted softdrinks.. buying/choosing food based on the price.. going restaurant often for a no-occassion meal.. feeling stoopid at discos.. n someother stuffs.. which.. were tings i nvr do yrs back.. which.. i realised r the likes n habits of somebody.. somebody which i haven seen for almost 2yrs.. which.. is not suppose to b even in my mind at all now.. *stoopid flashes of sad memories..* SIGH..

big fat lazy ass
finally drag my big fat lazy ass out for a long overdue jog.. think will start logging my workout here.. hope it helps.. 30min jog & 30 crunches today..

i read tis theory that if u used 500calories more than u consumed per day.. u wld lose 1lb of fats, which is abt 3300calories, in a week.. its more of a mathematical formula.. like it when things r defined n definate.. wanted to proved it rite.. but how do i count calories-in & calories-out?? that's 1 big barrier.. anybody can help?? let's not tok abt the discipline part first k.. just teach mi how to count can?? =P

try.. tried.. trying..
very often pple will say.. "its good enuff that u try.." occassionally some will say.. "u tried too hard.." but there was one who say.. "there's no such thing as trying.." - you go in there n make sure u do it!

stoopid blogger..
aargghh.. lost another post again.. fuckit!!

dazed
i was in slumberland for 3 full days.. wonder if its due to side effects or withdrawal symptoms or mayb its jus laziness.. watever.. i need to get outta of it fast.. help.. heellpp.. heeellppppp!!!!...

stuff.. stuffs.. stufffss..
damnit! i lost a post.. anyway tis the summary..
020503 -- shopping spree.. nice little surprise.. bday wish.. cocktail/lay-park session.. stayover..
030503 -- side effects.. headache.. neckache.. backache.. dehydrated.. daze.. sleep..
040503 -- last day of work.. officially joined the unemployed.. daze.. sleep.. rec'd call fr workplace.. stoopid slack collegue NO SHOW AGAIN thus putting herself on to-sack list.. was required to work a couple of shifts more.. agreed on gdwill.. it pays off i guess.. was offered a rate increase for those extras.. =)

i wan a new one!!
hateit!! hateit!! hateit!! my stoopid new phone have its own special function of batt saving.. -- AUTO OFF!!!.. duh!!! FUCK!!!!

izzit my day?
noe wat!?.. its mi bday.. so wat!?.. i've nvr been able to have fun for a while.. n guess wat!?!?.. I'm FUCKING twenty-.. eerr.. wait.. 20-something!!!! .. DAMnIT!!!!